Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
