so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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