Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
