I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Randomize
