I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
