He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
