I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
