so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
