Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
