just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
