I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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