even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
