I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
