can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
