Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
