I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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