just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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