did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
