I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
