where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
