So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
