I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
