haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
