He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
