Sponge bath it is.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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