Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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