and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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