oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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