I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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