just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
