I should be sponsored by Trojan
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
