Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
