I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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