we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
