the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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