ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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