watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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