first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
