At least make sure they are 18
Why
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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