Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
