We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
