there's paper in my vomit.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
