sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
