Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so let's talk penis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
