i jhust puked up my retainher.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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