Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
