Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
