it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
