it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
