haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
