really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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