i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
