Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
