Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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