I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
