My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
