I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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