I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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