He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
