Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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