My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
