The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
