How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
