a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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