i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
