Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
