Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
