I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
