final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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