Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dont even know how to be here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have aggressive nipples.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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