I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
